HOW ABOUT APPEASING THE SPLM-IG WITH AN ‘OYEECELL, SALVACELL OR INNUCELL’…?


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By Jon Pen
“Hello? Hello? Why are you not answering me?” exclaimed an international caller. “Because we no longer say ‘Hello’ or ‘Biba’, the new word for answering calls is ‘Oyee’, ‘Oyee’, who is calling?” explained the local caller.
VIVA!cell Management should just stop crying foul and do one last thing: change the damn VIVA to OYEE…! And we have the ‘Oyeecell’ or even more suggested below, instead of Niletel’!
Let the ‘Riektionaries’ and the ‘Pagans’ come and revive their Viva-hell thingy after the HLRF VIII later. Or…? Ashan inu Juba is for the ‘Kiiristians’. OK?
For me, I was liberated from this ‘Biba-shell’ bondage long, long ago. On January 31, 2013, barely 12 months before Riek Machar, Pagan and Nyandeng lost their lines, I lost my dear Vivacell connection. I was made to take off from Juba under duress, only to find myself registering a new line with the Safaricom under a refugee status in Kenya.
Un/fortunately, they did not succeed in shutting me down. Fate made it that I recovered my same Viva line one hour on arrival at JKIA from JIA one hour later. But with the only difference being a +254.
It happened like this. When I removed the Viva Sim card at the Safaricom Duty-free counter at the Jomo Kenyatta International Airport, the lady who issued me with the card read out +254 712 235 997! Eureka! That exactly was my Vivacell line! How it happened, God knows it. In other words, I have not lost my Vivacell line, only the international dialing code has changed.
Do not worry for ‘exposing’ my number. That number is on all my books and internet sources. You never know, it could also be the one registered in Heaven from where Gen. Archangelo Gabriel’s men monitor my routes against the Juba’s unknown gunmen.
However, there is nothing more unfortunate, even more stupid, than a government that operates through reflex action, by means o feelings like babies and insects. I mean why would a sane leader carry out a manual competition in a laizer faire market such as ours i.e. pulling down one company to replace it with the other! Same in political competition: physical elimination the cattle rustling style.
Alas, the woes of Demokiiracy!
Worst with those whose business is anchored on the most famous Vivacell line. Woe to you if you had opened a Yahoo or a Google account with a Vivacell line. All your emails are gone, in case you forget a password forever! God forbid!
But I insist, change it immediately from VIVA Cell to OYEE-CELL. You can even go wider and weirder by calling it ‘SALVACELL’ or INNUCELL’, and your ancestral sins will have been forgiven immediately like those of Taban Deng Gai! Yes, why not?

 

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