‘FETISH KALLAM’ CLASHES WITH DR. ACHIENG OMULLO AND ‘IN-LAW’ OVER THE ‘DIPLOMATIC DEKIIREE’!
You are in for a huge shock here! The ‘Dekiiree’ is not only fake for not having been read on SS(BC)TV, but our ladies are doubly disappointed over it. Despite the hardest attempt by our sisters, especially Daniella Valentino Wol (Awut Akol, the Dinka Chic) among others, the decree went to ‘Kusumu’, Kenya. Imagine the applications this Valentine lady has been sending to President Kiir, Gen. Malong, etc. including the Rebels’ chiefs. Dinka Chic even included attachments in form of endearment Facebook videos, naked-legs pictures, etc., yet these generals gave her their deaf ears. Only to come and appoint some Kiss-wahili-speaking Renish Achieng from ‘Kiss-umu’, as Special Envoy to Germany instead of our very own Awut as ‘Spatial End-Boy’ to London? Below is, therefore, an interview between Mr. Fetish Kallam of ‘The Stir’ Newspaper in London and Dr. Achieng Omullo in Berlin. It’s a tale of the two cities, not of the two ‘sweeties’.
‘FETISH VERSUS RENISH’ IN A HEATED INTERVIEW…
FETISH KALLAM: Hello, Is this Ms. Aloo?
RENISH ACHIENG: Yes, but who told you that name? I am actually Her Excellency, Ambassador, Dr. Renish Achieng Omullo, Special Representative and Presidential Envoy of the Reap-public off Source Sudan to the Federal Republic of Germany. So what are you talking about?
FETISH KALLAM: Sorry, Your Excellency, I thought you are also a wife to one Absalom Aloo of Jubek State.
RENISH ACHIENG: Go to hell! Who told you that? I am not married to any of your miserable conmen. If any, then only my middlemen, who are just friends. Don’t you know that I have two automatic qualifications for this job? My doctorate papers and my skills of having connected South Sudanese leaders with Germans and Kenyans since 2005?
FETISH KALLAM: How does that make you a citizen of South Sudan, madam?
RENISH ACHIENG: You knucklehead, you don’t understand it. I am your citizen from creation. I just migrated inside my ancestors about a thousand years ago. Now, I am back home. Even Obama can come back and claim his position in South Sudan, you nerd! So leave me alone, or else, I send your phone number to somebody to shut that dirty mouth up for you!
FETISH KALLAM: To be precise, I am in possession of copies of your citizenship document dated ‘July 30, 2016’, except your appointment Decree of December 8, 2016, which is even questionable. According to documents from Immigration and Passport Department, you were assisted by Mr. Santino Mawieu Deng Mawieu to acquire two passports in one day, Ordinary and Diplomatic No. D0000 6502. So, tell me, Madam, how did you become even a citizen leave alone an ambassador in less than half a year? How come you even beat my beautiful cousin in London? What magic did you use?
RENISH ACHIENG: Oh my God! How did you get all that shit? You are a cheat, a hater, a hacker… You will face it rough now! God will punish you! Shits! I am done! I am finished completely! Hey, wait and minute? What did you say your name and the media were?
FETISH KALLAM: Thank you, Your Excellency, Madam Ambassador, for talking to me. I am Mr. Fetish Kallam from ‘The Stir Newspaper’. Hey, do you know the meaning of my name? Lol! It means in Arabic ‘Investigator’ or ‘Trouble Hunter’! Good luck!
FETISH KALLAM VERSUS OMOLLO ALOO.
FETISH KALLAM: Hallooo, is this Mr. Aloo? The Father-in-law of Achieng Omullo Aloo?
OMOLLO ALOO: Yes, and who are you? And who gave you my number? And where are you calling from. And who are you calling for?
FETISH KALLAM: I am Fetish Kalam. I got your number from my cousin, Daniella. Actually she said your sister-in-law, Dr. Achieng, grabbed her job irregularly. So can you tell me something about her new job for South Sudan and her citizenship?
OMOLLO ALOO: What? You mean you did not hear of the Presidential Decree appointing my son’s wife as Special Ambassador for South Sudan to Germany?
FETISH KALLAM: Yes, Uncle. That’s why I am calling you. Some people are claiming that your daughter is not a South Sudanese, and therefore, acquired the nationality and the job by fraud.
OMOLLO ALOO: You young man, what are you talking about? Don’t spoil my celebration, please. Didn’t you see me on TV yesterday staging a one-man march in the streets of Kisumu town celebrating the the Decree of Diplomat? About that thing of nationality, don’t you read your history? Take it from me now, I am from the Great Family of Omolo Aloo Odero Okech Okoth Ocholo Ojullo Akot Awut Garang and Abuk? We are the 10th generation. In fact, we are cousins to Salva Kiir and the late John Garang. In our old Dholuo folklore, ‘Wan Dinka medong cien’, the latest Dinka arrivals from Bahr al Ghazal. So, who is that disturbing my child in Juba? Tell that jealous person to confirm that with Salva Kiir, our son who was crowned a Luo Elder with a PhD in our Kisumu University in 2009.
FETISH KALLAM: OK, uncle. Thanks for the lecture in history. We learned in North Sudan where Southern History is haram, leave alone your Luo migration. In fact, are you aware that your daughter-in-law is married to a South Sudanese with your namesake? According to the Nationality and Passport Department, she is wife to one Absalom Aloo of Jubek State.
OMOLLO ALOO: What are you talking about? Ma, that is my son. He is a citizen of Kisumu, Kenya, as well as of Juba. If Achieng can carry a German and British passports at the same time, why not that of South Sudan and Kenya, her ancestral homes? Ha? You jealous Dinka, or are you Bari?
FETISH KALLAM: You are also such a tribalist? Are you aware that your daughter is marked ‘The Most Wanted’ criminal by South Sudanese security sector today? You guys are cheats? You will also face an arrest warrant if you insist of any knowledge of this con-woman.
OMOLLO ALOO: Go to hell. Nobody can arrest my daughter. In fact, if this happens, count 1,000 of your miserable refugees in Ramogi forest in the hand of our kidnappers. I am also one of those Luo Council of Elders, the chiefs that President Kiir airlifted from Kisumu to Bentiu for a joint South Sudanese Kings and Chiefs Conference on May 16, 2009. I am also one of those Council’s lobbyists who made Kisumu University gave your half educated president a honorary PhD in Kisumu the same year. Please, be careful with us, or we withdraw everything from him and your country, including the two roads feeding you through Kenya. Have you understood me?
Hey, wait a minute, what did you say you name is? And what does it mean, according to our tradition?
FETISH KALLAM: I am Fetish Kallam (Words Fetcher) and I work for ‘The Stir Newspaper’, a South Sudanese diaspora media in London. So be ready to read your story and that of your daughter-in-law’s.
OMOLLO ALOO: Stupid migrant. Your name even sounds like a ‘Magical Pen’ in Kiswahilli and English. Try it. You will see your first ladies and those drinking girls and boys in Kamiti Maximum Prison.
FETISH KALLAM: Go to hell, Muony Luo! Just try to arrest even one of our woman and you will see us occupying that ‘Kiss-umu’ or ‘Kus-umu’ of yours! Hey, be reminded, your cheating daughter is already in prison in two weeks’ time!
SOURCE OF STORY: