WA’NIGGA JOINS THE BBC’S ‘RESIDENT PRESIDENTS’ IN RIDICULING SOUTH SUDAN…!
But before you munch much of this literary food of mind, today being a Sunday, with the coincidence of Arsenal FC playing Manchester United, this comment just caught my eye therein:
KIBAKIMAN: “I am talking about Southern Sudanese. They just can’t stop themselves. They fight for independence, thousands die in the struggle, millions are displaced, tens of thousands starved, they win, they celebrate, the whole world wishes them well. And then what? Do they settle down and enjoy their fruits of victory? They don’t! Do they look after their cattle, tend their fields, send their children to school, see them grow up and prosper, watch Arsenal play Manchester United on a television on a Sunday like the rest of us in Africa do? No, they do not. They fight, and die, and divide civilians from their homes, and rape, and maim, and return their country to the stone age, and there appears to be no force in the world to stop them.”
By the way, I was bored, and so was just combing through the web as usual. Then I came across this tragicomedies on South Sudan(ese). One performed by our very own super comedian, that I have given an alias of ‘Wanigga’. Of course, who else if not H.E. James Wani Igga Maring-dit? The second ones are the so-called BBC ‘Resident Presidents’, namely: Mr. Kibakiman and Olushambles (probably ‘born’ during the reigns of Presidents Mwai Kibaki and Olusegun Obasanjo). Look at the transcriptions of their dramatization on our ‘traumatization’ below.
VICE PRESIDENT: “You see before, when we got our independence, we were touring all these countries, in the region and beyond and so on. People were proud of our independence. They would ask, ‘from where are you?’ And if you say ‘from South Sudan’, immediately, you will be given a chair, to sit. Now you go and introduce yourself over there, and say you are from South Sudan, that person wants to vomit! Because of what we do. Unfortunately…because of what we do. Let us stop that vomiting, please. Honestly…let our independence be worth (sounds like ‘worst’) the name. Otherwise, we will be seen ‘khanu nina maa, maa insahn (I wanted to do this in Arabic)!” VP James Wani Igga speaking at UNDP during the Human Development Report in Juba on Feb. 24, 2016.
NB: I believe Mr. Wanigga is indirectly reflecting on what they did to him at New York, where he was told with his entourage, including FM Dr. Marial Benjamin, to remove their shoes and belts, dive through a security see-through door, ordered to imitate the horns of their cows to allow the metal detector touch their armpits and thereabouts, and released to the city as he, the VIP-denied VP, carried his own baggage (say ‘his own cross’) through the v.i.p. (very impotent person)’s underground train! So who caused this curse? Blame the ‘coup makers’, right?
RESIDENT PRESIDENT: “Haha, haha, ha, a! The Resident Presidents from the BBC.
Kibakiman: You know what, Olushambles?
Kibakiman: Hm, I think they just like fighting.
Olushambles: Who just likes fighting? Oh, let me guess, ants?They are always fighting.
Kibakiman: Hm, Hm, I am not talking about ants.
Olushambles: Did you know there are 22,000 different ant species?
Kibakiman: No, I didn’t.
Olushambles: And all of them fight.Red ants fight white ants, green ants fight yellow ants, small ants fight big ants, flying ants fight swimming ants, soldier ants fight any ants they come across on ant battlefields everywhere. They love fighting.
Kibakiman: I told you I am not talking about ants.
Olushambles: Yet there are bullet ants, bull ants, fire ants, glide ants, body ants, leave ants, lemon ants, tea ants, slave-maker ants….(interrupted).
Kibakiman: Oh, shut up about ants. I am talking about human beings…(interrupted).
Olushambles: Oh, Americans, Syrians, Libyans, Ukraineans…They like fighting.
Kibakiman: I am talking about Southern Sudanese. They just can’t stop themselves. They fight for independence, thousands die in the struggle, millions are displaced, tens of thousands starved, they win, they celebrate, the world world wishes them well. And then what? Do they settle down and enjoy their fruits of victory? They don’t! Do they look after their cattle, tend their fields, send their children to school, see them grow up and prosper, watch Arsenal play Manchester United on a television on a Sunday like the rest of us in Africa do? No, they do not. They fight, and die, and divide civilians from their homes, and rape, and maim, and return their country to the stone age, and there appears to be no force in the world to stop them.
Olushambles: I have the solution, Kibakiman. Heh, we reunite Sudan. North and South together again. Umaa’ el Bashir back in charge.
Kibakiman: And how will that help?
Olushambles: Well, the Southerners will forget their difference.
Kibakiman: Would they?
Olushambles: Oh, yes! The only thing South Sudanese agree on is that they can’t live with Northerners. So they’d unite to battle Khartoum.
Kibakiman: Ah, so another war? More fighting, more self-destruction…
Olushambles: No, Kibakiman. Fighting is not always such a bad thing.
Kibakiman: Ah, what is good about it?
Olushambles: Look at ant soldiers. Are they a threatening species? Have white ants wiped out black ants? Have leave ants run out of leaves? Honey ants run short of honey? Have flying ants cease to fly? Do you know how many ants there are in the world today?
Kibakiman: Er, no idea.
Olushambles: At the last census: Three hundred and ninety-seven billions, twenty-seven thousand, three hundred and three (397,000,27,303). Eh, they have come through 27 ant world wars, and they are still going strong.
Kibakiman: And how is this supposed to apply to the Sudanese situation?
Olushambles: If you have to answer that question, then you have no brain.
JINGLES: …hmm, the ants in your pants…
WHAT’S UP AFRICA?
Just as the BBC Resident Presidents and RSS Mr. Vice President have done their parts of making fun, if not funds, out of South Sudan’s situation, there was this prior group with their drama called ‘What’s Up Africa?’. Last year, their video did the round on the internet…know what happened? The media socialites misinterpreted the picture and called it ‘Jon Pen’s’, this blogger. I immediately ran a disclaimer. Unfortunately, some confidant of mine told me the NSS guys were already munching on that fake rumour and picture that I have just shared here.
“BEWARE OF A FAKE FACE OF ‘JON PEN’ GOING ROUND THE INTERNET…!!!
For the last 3 days, members have been tagging me of this picture from the ‘What’s Up Africa’ BBC video linked here. I have just included my real picture (right) inside the picture of the face being associated with me.“
When South Sudan became independent from Sudan in 2011, the United States was described as the “midwife” at the birth of the world’s newest nation because of decades of diplomatic investment. But just 18 months later, a brutal conflict erupted, in which thousands of people have died. In this week’s episode of our satire series What’s Up Africa, Ikenna Azuike asks, has US foreign policy failed in South Sudan?
What’s Up Africa is a BBC and RNW co-production
Watch on Focus on Africa on BBC World News & partner stations across Africa every Friday from 1730gmt
For a better topical idea of this dramas, below are an accompanying poems from the title: ‘The Black Christs of Africa’, Chapter 2: My Leaders for My Readers
HE’S ALL BUT A P-RESIDENT
He isn’t just a president.
He is likewise a resident.
The difference is the resident is not a president
Or the indifference is the president is a resident
The similarity is in that the president’s residents
And the residents’ president are both residents.
Here the difference is a P;
It is just an upgraded MP.